19" x 28",  Digital photograph, ed. of 10,  $3,500 

 

KALTENBACH ANNOTATIONS:  This project is a plan to set a spotlight behind a 9" circular opening in a museum wall. The light is to shine through the hole into the room. This work represents the revisiting of a concept from an installation that was done at UC Davis in 1968. It involves the use of light that is too bright to look at directly. I used a 5000 watt theater spotlight aimed straight down at the floor onto a 12x12 square of the kind of reflective beads that are mixed with the paint used for the lines on freeways. The viewers were allowed to remove their shoes and socks and to walk out on it which was like walking on sand that reflected the spectrum.

The story this work brings to mind is of my entry into the church and my Ash Wednesday encounter. In this narrative I again come up against my position as an unreliable witness. Let me count the reasons to not believe what I write. I am an artist who conceived the idea that the lie is an effective art expression. I saw that belief in the reality of the work is a way to increase its effectiveness and that the creation of an image in the mind is a complete work of art and a step toward a pure minimalism.

Then there is my involvement with psychedelic drugs. The reason we hippies took them was to see through the mundane reality provided and limited by our senses and our consensus world view. This escape worked so well for me that there was good evidence that my mind had jumped the rails and slipped its moorings; bats had apparently gotten into my belfry. Living with this reputation made it prudent to keep confidential the unbelievable things seen in a normal state of mind. Instead of keeping these visions to myself I was effusively open about them. This Ash Wednesday encounter is one of the best examples of that. All I can say is that believing this story probably won't be that important for you. It undoubtedly won't be enough to convince you of the benefit of going through the conversion that preceded this event in my life. Speaking personally, it was necessary to have my own experience; reading about someone else's life has never moved me to take a step as big as complete surrender.

The shift from my relationship with God to Christianity happened over several months. I'll just say that I was nonplussed when I had to admit that the direction I was getting from God was real. My communication with God had been an open communion with Him. He was allowing me to see the thinness of reality. I was experiencing such impossible phenomena that speaking of it publically at the Art Institute of San Francisco earned me the nickname, Crazy Kaltenbach. (I like to spell it Krazy Kaltenbach.) Now I was being urged to trade it for ritualized interaction that at best seemed staid and mundane and at worst seemed a disconnection from the personal nature of my new love. What I had was a precious friendship; and now I was being asked to trade it for religion. To my surprise my relationship didn't change that much with my entry into the church and the evolution that did happen was toward a closer and stronger bond.

This is the story of my vision. Much to my amazement I found myself joining the Catholic Church. I was still completely naive about what was expected of me. Ash Wednesday was approaching and I only knew a little about the fact that fasting from food was involved. I mistakenly assumed that I would be going entirely without food for the six weeks of Lent. I became more and more concerned that I would not be able to survive that. By the Tuesday before Ash Wednesday I was more than concerned; I was afraid. I was alone in my apartment and praying that God would not let me die. I was kneeling with my forehead to the floor. Suddenly I saw a child sitting on a marble wall. I saw this in my head with my eyes closed. It was crystal clear, eidetic and pristine. The child was looking off to my right. He turned and smiled at me, his face shining. He was filled with a brilliant light. This lasted for less than five seconds. Then he disappeared and in his place I noticed that there was a floral relief on the wall. It was heraldic and in the center of the medallion was a lion's head. The lion yawned and the wall disappeared. I didn't move for quite a while. Filled with peace, I was thinking that the memory of this vision would remain with me for the rest of my life. So far I am right about that.

I did fast during that Lent but friends were continually dropping by and asking me to have lunch with them so although I ate less, I didn't stop eating; rather I was able to stop thinking about feeding myself.

Untitled installation, 1968   

12' x 12',  freeway paint beads in square with 5,000 watt theater spotlight from directly above